20 February 2012

"Where is this guy? What would HE do about the MBTA?"

Speaking of "our former governor’s

thoughts about the current MBTA funding scheme," Paddy McTammany can’t help wondering whether anybody at the Massachusetts Bay Torture Authority has yet thought of asking herself, "¿What would ‘Mittens’ Romney do?" [1]

She’d *have* to ask herself, naturally, not His Excellency directly. It is well known that for many years now H. E. has been deeply engrossed in some mysterious long-term project of his own in the Secret Sector, and is therefore unlikely to be available to casual inquirers with trivial and public purposes.

Moreover, to respond to such an impertinence in any detail _gratis_ would be unworthy of that Consultant Culture of which Mittens has been so splendid an ornament. [2] Like givin’ a quarter to a bum on the Common--only worse, really--to prepare a free Five Year Plan for Secretary Davey and Acting _Quälmeister_ Davis [3] would only (further) pauperize them. Indeed, if persisted in, that sort of misguided charity could ultimately reduce our poor MA as a whole to ... ... to . . . a condition of ... of ¡Murrayan Dependency!

Though not in the runnin’ personally, Mittens is undoubtedly the whight *sort* of freelord to have recourse to in fiscal extremity, far more suitable than the likes of Citizen Michael. Though both ex-Excellencies are Juris Doctor in the eyes of the Greatest University in the County, yet only Mittens is M.B.A. ’75 as well, which attainment is a couple of orders of magnitude more to the present Powerpoin™. Obviously.

In addition to that generic superiority, W. M. Romney possesses a second, which one detects as soon as one distinctly notices that the problem now before the Torture Authority, by her own account, is half one of which bus and rail and ferry lines can be baincapped

Caution! Baincapping in progress!

to optimal advantage. With all due respect to The Man in the Tank, ¿Would it not be an extremely improbable accident, if he also should prove to have a flair, or knack, or a whatever-it-takes, for baincappin’?

So, then: what the Torturers ought to do, in Paddy’s opinion, is humbly solicit an audience with Freelord Romneycare and, should their petition be granted, beg--not for a complete Five Year Plan for Mass. Torture from the august keyboard, or for anything the least bit like it--but only for the name of some former underlin’ whom His Excellency has found to be a competent baincapper. That transaction should not take more than perhaps sixty seconds of H. E.’s invaluable time.

Even better, the dread spectre of Ch. A. Murray would not be invited to haunt the banquet. Paddy’s plan would be like that Common hoboe accosting his freelordship to seek advice about where to apply for a salaried position: possibly Mittens would be in too important a self-hurry to comply with the request, but his freelordship would have no legitimate grounds to complain that he was gettin’ mooched from.

Happy days.

[1] Poor Paddy actually thought that might be what was going on here, because the cross-reference under "Recent Comments" mentioned "this guy" and "former Governor" but without a picture or the guy’s johnhancock.

[2] W. M. Romney ( M.B.A./J.D. ’75) even been accused, I seem to recall, of havin’ been present at the destructive creation of the Consultant Culture. But this, as appears at once from the date of his freelordship’s happy twin credentializations, is so impossible as to be absurd: Vixere ante Agamemnona / Multi, [et] omnes illacrimabiles . . . .

[3] Just keeping Tweedledumb and Tweedledoozy

straight is a torture. Once you get away from the Gotham City _Globe_ and the _Herald_ of Louisedayhicksville, fishwrap accounts are full of purely imaginary critters like ‘Davy’ and ‘Davies’.

When the wind is in the N.E., Paddy darkly suspects that this, two, was deliberately pre-arranged so that we who venture to assist at the flak-catching sessions would get the _nomenklatura_ wrong, thereby proving, to THE Nomenklatura, that the opinions of lay sheep are uninformed about everything really important--and thus need not be overmuch deferred to.

IRRELEVANT DIGRESSION. ’Doozy (to the reader’s right above) is the one Paddy spotted, _¡mirabile dictû!_, actually inside an MBTA conveyance, travelling from Heath Street to Prudential on a former Arborway trolley, Wednesday 1 February 2012, after catching some comparatively upper-class flak at the Jamaica Plain dog-and-pony show. This was not done for Dukakidoid ostentation, so one must assume the cause to be sheer masochism, in which noble quality, however, the Secretary’s colleague far surpasses him. If only the cheerful readiness to be shot full of arrows in public

San Sebastián (del Greco)

were of the slightest use towards raising $161,043,998.12½!

Speaking of J.P., the passionate hatred which the Torturers cherish for their own #48 bus has made Paddy (from exotic 02139) want to ride it once or twice just to gaze into the True Vacuum, but the damthing runs so rarely that I have never yet succeeded, though confusing Saturdays with weekdays and deciding it was too cold to wait a second half hour at Jackson Square was undoubtedly Paddy’s own fault. Anyhow, I recommend 48 - Jamaica Plain Loop Monument - Jackson Square Station via Green Street & Stony Brook Stations to the attention of Trotskyites, and Alinskyites, and ‘Occupoopers’ generally, who want to *really* get under the bureaucratic skin.

[4] Here in the decent obscurity of a note, Paddy may admit he has never been able to decide whether H*rv*rd Victory School methods like baincappin’--and outsizin’, and downsourcin’, and, for that matter, double-entry bookkeepping itself--are to be classifed as arts or as sciences. So I rather ungallantly cover both flanks above. If baincappin’ be an art, then probably Mr. Dukakis does not have any more special talent for it then he has, for, say, the fiddle or the hoboe. If a science, then Mr. Dukakis has *certainly* not learned it, not unless Big LEW’s rehearsal

Dukakis attended Brookline High School in his hometown. He graduated from Swarthmore College in 1955, served in the U.S. Army 1955–1957, stationed in Korea, and then received his law degree from Harvard Law School in 1960. Dukakis is also an Eagle Scout and recipient of the Distinguished Eagle Scout Award from the Boy Scouts of America.

of his educationalism record is gravely defective.

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