Burro of Dan meets Toaster of Cuteless

Dear Dr. Bones,

¿Where, o where, is that Neo-Elizabethan "intellectual bottom" product when wanted?

Few occasions could be more wanting of it that this one, on which Paddy McTammany finds myself implicitly demoted by a field-grade officer of the Whight

Guard to the rank of "[only an]other appliance or inanimate object." As follows:

00 [new] What doesn't require belief? 05 Maybe my toaster will take 10 that leap with you, but 15 everything I know requires belief 20 and I don’t think I 25 want to stop believing in 30 things to join you and 35 other appliances and inanimate objects. 40 dont- get- cute @ Thu 45 23 Feb 10:20 PM

Prescinding from the hurt feelings, Paddy is reminded irresistibly by this memorandumb-worthy gem of that old wheeze about whether the barber shaves himself or not--only substituting her freeladyship’s ‘toaster’ for the late Dr. Ockham's ‘razor’.

_Per syllogismum_:

(Major) "Everything [Cuteless] know[s] requiers [B]elief" (Minor) Cuteless knows her own toaster. === (Subtotal) The Toaster of Cuteless requires Belief. Q. E. D.

((McGloss)) Unfortunately the only reason the humble artefact ever got promoted to the solemn rank of _philosophandum_ and fit yokemate for the celebrated "Lieberal Demoncrat

of Buridán" is that it supposedly *can* somehow manage to live by NSTAR alone.

***

One hears idle chatter all the time of "adject contradictions," far more often than one actually encounters one, but here is the real thing, ¡no doubt about it! As you may see at a glance from the mysterious format deployed above, the freedame required only forty (39.6) words of adjaceny at most. Exactly the proverbial "twenty-five words or less" if one reckons only the strict Zone of Contradiction from ‘everything’ through ‘objects’ inclusive.

Happy days.
--JHM