Sammy Herald Pipes As Paid

Dear Dr. Bones,

¡Happy Cathedral Murder Day, Señor Doctor! Eight hundred and twenty-two years, and the button is still hot.

Speaking of which,

Bring on the noise By Boston Herald Editorial Staff Thursday, December 29, 2011 Casino gambling is perhaps the ultimate hot button issue (...) Democracy is a messy business. But messy isn’t necessarily bad. And it beats rule by the few and the loud.

So. It is Specuvestment-Trumps-Democracy time again at Louisedayhicksville.

The editorial slaves over to the The LDHV Herald can not, naturally, injure their Funders’ cause by expressin’ the basic point like that, so instead we get "bring on the noise" an’ "the vote wasn’t bindin’" an’ "rather meaningless" an’ "squeaky wheels." Allow me to praise the latter insight particularly, reflecting strictly to myself how melodious the squeakin’s of Vox Pop sound to wingnut ear when they emerges from funder-compliant wads of Tee Putty.

As for ¿What Next?, Dollerica would not be Dollerica if ‘Mister’ Kraft an’ the Freelord of Wynn just threw in their hand at once. No doubt Bigmanaged Democracy is still only gettin’ started. The _Herald_ angels reveal themselves as but "small people," I fear, when they suggest that their freelordships should just meet with those "annoyed and ... sensitive selectmen" alone. Alone in a dark alley, it sounds like.

The Sammy Scabs fresh out of J-school an’ their circumambient frathouse babes obviously don’t have much idea how the Ebenezer Scrooges of Dollerica bigmanage. But then, neither does the Chairman of the Annoyed and Sensitive, who used a MacL@@han-Tube interview to suggest, by ostentatious and preëmptive refusal, that maybe if the gamester corporations were to make him a Krafty Wynner too.

Most important of all, it looks as if journalistic Louisedayhicksville has broken with the whole Norman Rockwell picture-postcard tradition. That old-fashioned New Iceland town meeting is no longer a treasured heirloom, little Sammy Scab has unmasked it for us as "rule by the few and the loud."

Now of course there is probably something to that: I betcha Increase Mather was pretty good at shouting othervolks down when they required downshouting. Practice every neosabbath morning for fifty or sixty years must have been marvelous preparation to be not only prescriptively Good and Great but also *¡LOUD!*.

Happy days.

_¿Bist du Zycher?_

Dear Dr. Bones,

A casual look at this latest Kiddie-Conner wannabe had me primed to go off about how the DFPj, Dark Forces of Pajamatarianism, scarcely need him, unless, of course, Her-Son-the-Millionaire [1] has decided to throw in the moneybag -- the one with ‘PJM’ stenciled on it in fiat currency by the white hand of Freelady Simon Pajama herself. Or so I have been told.

Be that as it ain’t, what we have here, I presume , is basically a literary question. Or ‘neoliterary’ for those who prefer an eleven-foot pole. Pontificatin’ at selfservative kiddies about the quack profession exclusively is not a product for which the demand is infinite, though perhaps pious supplysiders should not attend to so low an’ almost heretical a consideration.

But I have reconsidered, and would now maintain that Freelord Zycher is not only a different barrel of fish from Master $onn¥, but a species of fish better adapted to the kiddiecon market. The key to it is rather well hidden, however, so I did not at once perceive that the whole scribble revolves around the first sentences of the third paragraphette above the freelordly bottomline, namely,

Recent research from the Pacific Research Institute examined the likely effects of these CER implications for R&D investment in new and improved pharmaceuticals and devices and equipment. Using (_sic_) data from the National Science Foundation and other sources, R&D investment would be reduced by about $10 billion per year over the period 2014 through 2025, or about 10-12 percent.

Despite that (really heroically) dangled participle, I fear that his freelordship scribbles Americanoe prose against the grain in a way that Wally Wombschool an’ Cindy from Wasilla will find too off-puttin’ to make it all the way down to the paydirt, rememberin’ at every step of their descent that CER signifies "comparative effective review" an’ has nothin’ at all to do with the Quest for the Higgs Boson. An’ even if they do arrive, an’ sorta remember what his freelordship is natterin’ on an’ on ’bout, the kiddies might easily miss that _fabula de se narratur_.

In a way, the freelordly boo-boo (as I consider it) is just that business you can find in all the for-dummies booklets about avoiding the passive voice. ’Tis a fun case, though, this one, because only if one wanted to rub in the dangle with salt would one take the active formulation to be *Obamacare uses NSF data to reduce R&D investement. Actually, the issue here is not so much who is to be the grammatical subject as who is to be semantic topic. His freelordship leaves out the Prince of Denmark, as it were. Abandoning any attempt to echo the freelordly word choices, I think what it comes to (or should have) is more or less "¡Listen up, kiddies! If we don’t get rid of Obamacare, you will wake up some mornin’ soon to find that your prospects of gettin’ (or just stayin’) rich through specuvestment in the shares of secret-sector medical corporations have been reduced drastically." [2]

Even if Master Wally an’ Mizz Cindy don’t have a lot of spare _sh’qálîm_ lyin’ around in the crevices of their potatoe couches to specuvest just at the moment, as I would guess they probably do not, they should not be left out of such a sentence altogether.

Only at this point, Dr. Bones, did I ask the pet G@@Gle to track down _M. le Baron de Zycher_ a little, and what she came back with shocks me His freelordship ...

... is associated with Benjamin Zycher Economics Associates, Inc. and holds several roles such as President and President. and is located in Agoura Hills, CA.[3]

Well, I suppose one need not necessarily be shocked, for "economic associates" is a shingle that any weasel can hang out. One can still only guess what the weasels actually *do* with their unquality time. It would be outrageous, though, if my instinctive guess was correct an’ his freelordship mostly specuvests with other volks’ money. In that case, it would be inexcusable to elide Master Wally an’ Mizz Cindy an’ all other brokees, present an’ future, actual an’ potential, out of the R&D investment reduction picture.

If, however, BZEA be only yet another whight-wing Tank of Thought, possibly the Madhatter Institute reproducin’ Herself by fission like an amœba, I suppose it would be permissible to discuss medical sector R&D investment reduction in a completely impersonal way. In that case, however, publishin’ ones ideoresearches at Pajama Junction NJ is inappropriate borderin’ on dotty. I mean, ¿Why not Carr and Driver?

Meanwhile, back in the freelordly scribble, notice what comes immediately after the passage I have swiped already:

Based upon the scholarly literature on the benefits of medical innovation, this reduction in the advance of medical technology would impose an expected loss of about 5 million life-years annually, with a conservative economic value of $500 billion, an amount substantially greater than the entire U.S. market for pharmaceuticals and devices and equipment.

I get the impression from that that _M. le baron de Zycher_ does not associate much with the base an’ vile of his freelordship’s own Party. Wally an’ Cindy will probably assume that anybooby who cannot go a hundred words without brandishin’ "scholarly literature" at ’em must be some kind of Lieberal Demoncrat in disguise.

Quight a lot of bad (IMHO) whightist agitprop makes this mistake of supposin’ that Wally an’ Cindy either like bein’ clobbered over their dittopans with footnotes an’ all the Persian apparatus of Tert. Ed. or at least profoundly respect those Kiddiemasters who so clobber. As you know, my own theory is that your typical selfservative kiddie hated School when she had to attend it, an’ to this day still hates anythin’ that very strongly reminds her of that previous condition of serfitude. Any discussion carried on the way _M. le baron_ carries on this one can therefore only be counterproductive for Party an’ AEIdeology, though to be sure it is highly likely to be nothin’ at all, because few kiddicons will get past, say, "... a rigorous evaluation of the impact of different options ..." [3] before switchin’ channels in hopes of somethin’ a little punchier.

Happy days.
--JHM

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[1] His freelordship’s d.b.a. was, as I recall, "Paul Hsieh," but I don’t think the pet g@@gle arrested quight the whight suspect over here. "A zillion monkeys" somehow lacks that solemn gravity an’ austere sobriety one has come to rever in the Daughters of Virtue & Sons of Wisdom, LLC.

In line with the main argument above, notice that the minions of Simon Pajama do not regard either their old medico or their new pseudo as worthy of mention under the rubric of http://pjmedia.com/columnists/ . I tentatively infer that in YaleoDra™a (Pat. Pend.) there exists a sort of class distinction between Action Persons (_actionis personæ_, members of the neonobility an’ superior neogentry) an’ mere no-’count trailer-trash also-rans like P. X. Hsieh or Benjamin, Freelord Zycher.

(( To digress about the Gang of Fifteen, I am only 50% satisfied with the Simon-Pajamatan discriminations: happy, that is, to see that Don Ricardito de Fernández y Podhòretz qualifies as an Upper, displeased that Th. X. Blumer, the Voice of Greater Cincinnati Pettybiz, did not make the august freelordly cut. As you know, these are my two pet favourite pajamaclads, of far greater interest than the rest of the pack. ))

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[2] As you see, I deploy a passive verb myself, so obviously I do not condemn a whole Voice mindlessly out of hand. In fact, passivity often helps one get the topic whight by throwing the appropriate noun phrase to the beginning of the clause.

(( "Passivity often helps," by the way, might be sent off to the Active Only Society for an advisory opinion. ))

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[3] His freelordship is not the only one vernacular-challenged, looks like. in Chicagoland when I was young, rôles were always ‘played’ and never ‘held’. I suppose it is more material than grammatical, though delicious on any terms, to find a Party neocomrade no more than "associated with" a wracket named after precisely himself. Though I suppose it may have been Benjy’s Daddy who founded BZEA. But then again, BZEA may have been founded three months ago, for it appears the _M. le baron_ is no longer with the Madhatterites. At any rate, here is a second _Almanach Neogothique_ in which his freelordship has not the honour to figure.

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[4] Paragraphette 3, _ad fin._

A Neorural Ride

Dear Dr. Bones,


Mr. Cobbett (dba ‘Porcupine’) would be the ideal fan of ‘Mittens’ Romney, King of Flipflop, if he is really the same guy I knew in the 1790’s as the whightist of whight-guard Federalists. He never gave a Jacobin an even break, Big Pete Porcupine didn’t - not before becomin’ a Jake himself. [1]

Be that as it no doubt ain’t, not raisin’ "revenues just for the fun of it" is only the start of the Triumph of the Quill Porcky’s account of what Mittens did-- or wanted to do--with the swag that he was obliged to steal from the taxpayers is better still:

[He] just sent the dollar amount to the town. He said it was silly for the [S]tate to set up artificial little accounts, and that towns knew what they needed to spend money on - maybe they had a big need in a school, but not for a road project. The town would decide for itself. The towns (and unions) went bananas. The cops were sure the schools would steal ’their money’, the schools were sure the seniors were out to get them, and so on. Some town fathers didn’t want to have to make decisions like that. So the [S]tate quickly drew up a budget reinstating the cubicle walls and redundant accounting, and everybody hugged their chains and whined about how mean the [S]tate was.

Before he went altzheimers altogether, old Ebb Scrooge behaved just like that with the Bad Poor of Dickensville. If it were entirely up to his freelordship, they would get nothing at all, which they richly deserved, but since there are social conventions to be observed if one wants the lower orders admitted close enough to be able to behold and envy, his freelordship would scatter a few guineas amongst the urchins and bootblacks and chimmneysweeps and whatnot, deriving the true OnePercenterly pleasure from their greedy scrambles.

Unfortunately for Mittens, around here the Legislature is answerable, sort of, to the lower orders as well as to the Natural Masters, and so the Brave New Order could not last. Comrade Frank of KA has written a whole book about what the *intermittent* application of Scrooge-Romney-Porcupine managerial techniques leads to. It is called The Wrecking Crew: How Conservatives Govern. The title may be a little unfair, because our holy Homeland™ has been so long corrupted by liberalism and democracy that their freelordships’ hired-hand pols can never manage to get through Phase Zero of their Thousand Millennium Plan , which phase, very properly, consists of clearin’ the ground [3] an’ evictin’ shiftless tenants, &c. &c. So naturally a hostile like the fiend Frank has no trouble taking cheapshots.

Speaking of whightist Plans, perhaps that should be "Scrooge-Romney-Porcupine-Ryan managerial techniques," for the Smirk of Janesville has notoriously proposed to treat geezers as Uncle Ebb treated street A-rabs. As Mittens (I presume) treated Chelsea or Fall River. From their freelordships’ point of view, to do anythin’ different would not be proper plannin’ at all. OF COURSE, the competent bigmanager starts with budgetin’, and, wherever Charity begins, budgetin’ can only begin at home. Mittens must therefore, all selfishness apart, think about Mittens first, not about urchins or slums or invalids, an’ especially about exactly how many guineas his freelordship has on hand to throw at the mob. [3] That is not quight what whightists understand by "supply-side economics" but it is not far off either.

Now every rule needs a good probative exception. In this case I nominate "If you have to ask in advance what it will cost, you cannot afford it." Individual onepercenterly Scrooges an’ Porcucobbets an’ Romneys an’ siblin’s Koch (&c. &c.) do indeed act like that a lot of the time, inspirin’ awe in the breasts of us fiscal humble. Indeed, the guinea-tossin’ _shtyk_ itself is designed to *look* like spur-of-the-moment, unbudgeted largesse. Well, ever Class has its Class idiots, I daresay, but a kindly Providence has arranged that OnePercenters who really take no thought for tomorrow will find themselves demoted to the Murrayan Underclass (Pat. Pend.) by the day after. ¡An’ serves ’em whight!

So then, "If you have to ask ..." applies only to their freelordships in their personal capacity as consumers. When their Crew is out Wreckin’ in an official or public way, there is no exceptionalism. Or rather, the words of the exception turn up deployed differently: "We cannot afford it, so ¡don’t even ask!"

As usual, it is all even more complicated then that, really. A book could be written about when it pleases, an’ when it displeases, our Natural Masters to be asked. The first Freelord Scrooge hated being asked on the street, obviously; the freelordly guinea toss was a sort of unilateral-preëmptive way of avoiding solicitation from the undeserving. Yet had Oxbridge had come to ScroogeBank with a proposal for "Ebenezer College," her emissaries would have been civilly received, at least, and maybe even gratified more or less as original- intented.

Poor Gov. Mittens actually obtained his "Willardmitt College," sort of, in the form of ‘Romneycare’. Unfortunately only his freelordship’s political enemies get a kick out of rememberin’ exactly who this Willardmitt person was. By Century XXIII or so, it will all be OK, no worse embarrassment to his freelordship’s scions than, say, a Lady Margaret Professorship of Divinity is to the Beaufort clan, but meanwhile . . . .

Meanwhile, it is probably rather important that nobody exactly asked for ‘Romneycare’. My impression, perhaps mistaken, is that Governor Mittens gave us RC largely to show off, to prove that he was the biggest Big Manager of them all, the alone wheeler-dealer an’ olympics-saver who could pull such a trick off, gettin’ quacks an’ shysters an’ insurance corporation freelords an’ even the Demoncrat General Court (¡!) to pull together.

I notice that this is all "supply side" again, though in yet a third distinct sense, the sense in which all my own scribbles are supply-side phænomena, much more fun for me to write than for anybody else to read.

At this point the Muses and you, Dr. Bones, have two General Theories of Mittens before you on the table, Dr. Bones, my own as just expounded and that of Peter, Freelord Porcucobbett, who evidently takes--would like to be able to take--His Excellency for a sort of first draft of the Janesville ’, a voice cryin’ in the wilderness "¡Start by decidin’ how much you’re gonna spend! And then, for porcupine’s sake, ¡¡STICK TO IT!!"

Probably neither of these has ever been present to Mittens himself as a conscious thumbrule, though obviously his freelordship does fancy himself as Big Manager and is also extremely unlikely to reject Porcunomics (let us call it) if there be no more to it than puttin’ everybody in Uncle Sam’s household on a fixed an’ inflexible allowance.

Perhaps we had better have a slice from the horse’s own anatomy. Unveilin’ his RC schemes , Gov. Mittens proclaimed

With the small percentage of uninsured in Massachusetts, we are in a unique position to give all of our citizens quality health insurance. This will not be a government-mandated universal coverage program or a plan that requires new taxes. It will be a market-based reform focused on the creation of affordable insurance plans.

Well. Neither McTrickledown nor Freelord Porcucobbett can make much hay out of that. There is no sign of bloc-grantin’ as panacea. and, as to bigmanagerial showin’ off, his freelordship perversely goes out of the way to suggest how easy, rather than how difficult, the "unique position" of our MA ought to make his proposed trick.

Back to the mother lode (now that I found it, presumably the whightists will pick Don Neutrino de Geewhiz and it will be pretty much useless). ¿How about 12 April 2006, a day that shall live in infamy at Rio Limbaugh?

Former U.S. Health and Human Services Secretary Tommy G. Thompson commended Governor Romney for signing what Thompson termed “groundbreaking legislation to provide health coverage to all Massachusetts families. Massachusetts is showing us a better way, one I hope policy makers in Statehouses and Congress will follow to build a healthier and stronger America,” said Thompson, a former Republican governor of Wisconsin.

¡Oops! ¡Not the whight passage at all! What I meant to swipe was

An achievement like this comes around once in a generation, and it proves that government can work when people of both parties reach across the aisle for the common good. Today, Massachusetts is leading the way with health insurance for everyone, without a government takeover and without raising taxes. (...) This would not have been possible without the courageous work of Senate President Travaglini, Speaker DiMasi, providers, insurers, consumer groups and all the other industry stakeholders who recognized an opportunity to do something historic.

That’s more like it. His Excellency did not lay undue stress on who it was that knocked all those heads of an industry stakeholder together until ‘Romneycare’ was realized, yet ’tis clear enough what is goin’ on, I think.

Again, no hint of bloc-grantin’.

Freelord Porcucobbett may object, however, with a certain degree of fairembalance, that in one way Gov. Mittens really did make it easy for himself: this is nothing particularly to do with the Commonwealth’s "unique posirion," but rather with the fact that the RC scheme faintly smells of Ponzi to the sensitive political nostril. In particular, that "without raising taxes" is distinctly a case of whistling as one passes the graveyard. Governor Patrick, and most other loyal supporters of ‘Romneycare’, talk nowadays as if making RC financially viable had been specifically discussed and then by agreement postponed to some future rainy day. Whereas I strongly suspect that not talking about it at all was _sine quâ non_.

To refine my own theory in that light, I put it to you, sir, that Mittens must especially fancy himself as a personnel bigmanager rather than as a CFO. . His freelordship got all the ‘stakeholders’ to agree, which is miracle enough in itself and does not require a fool-proof perpetual endowment as well.

Republicanines bein’ what they are--norquisted, that is, into so many pretzels--to say "without raising taxes" was required absolutely of an Otherparty freelord settin’ out to become POTUS. Accordin’ly, Mittens said it. And perhaps we may leave it at that.

Happy days.
--JHM

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[1] His freelordship solicits bein’ taken notice of like this, it seems to me, for that "obedient servant" bologna on the freelordly bottomline can only go with the Cobbett _shtyk_.

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[2] ’Tis s a little *more* than fair, though, that Frank did not shudder-quote either ‘conservatives’ or ‘govern’. "Almost superhuman restraint," I calls it.

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[3] The student may insert her own joke at this point about extemporaneous $10,000 specuvestments.

Everybody in the Tank for Lizzie

Dear Dr. Bones,

Well entanked are the mainstream Blue Blazers, that is, who piously account St. Elisabeth of Warrenbuffet ‘strong’ with the particular cerulæan species of strength which their Blueships just happen to like best themselves. One might uncharitably, but not, I think, inaccurately, speak of the ’GBH gentry’s _Kraft-durch-Geistesfundament_ approach to ungrounded collective self-esteem.

H*rv*rd has much to answer for, but that is another story. At the moment we may prescind from root causes and go mostly for the pragmatic capillaries, meaning the "Karl an’ Lizzie Show," another product from roughly the same wunnerful volks who gave us Harry an’ Louise. As you know, I have my doubts about _le ouarrenbuffetisme en Amérique_, yet Her Beatitude undoubtedly is well-advised to overlook poor Sen. Fratboy and go straight for rich Karl, Firstlord Rove. I mean, ¿Why fool around? Take out Edgar Bergen, and the New McCarthyism will instantly become a used-truck joke rather than a menace.

His firstlordship is no contemptible opponent, however. Comrade Charley, who most likely has not been on the MBTA in thirteen years going on thirty, speaks of "preposterous Rovery." Not very respectful, is that, of his firstlordship’s exalted rank an’ station. [1] More important, however, is that jesting Charley may underestimate the freelordly grasp of political strategy and operations [2] and tactics.

With this we arrive at our _droitisme du jour_, which, like a great deal of what appears on the op-ed pages of _The Wall Street Jingo_, is thoroughly Rovan in its substance, an’ likely Rove-inspired, in the sense of bein’ a demonstrable consequenc of his firstlordship’s Master Plan

POLITICAL DIARY DECEMBER 10, 2011 Scott Brown’s Strategy The Massachusetts senator faces a tough re-election challenge from Elizabeth Warren. By ALLYSIA FINLEY This week Senate Republicans blocked President Obama’s nomination of former Ohio Attorney General Richard Cordray to head the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau. Only two Republicans broke ranks -- Olympia Snowe of Maine and Scott Brown of Massachusetts -- and both senators are up for re-election next year. Ms. Snowe should win handily if she isn’t toppled by a primary challenger. Mr. Brown’s re-election prospects, by contrast, are shakier. Two new polls show the GOP freshman trailing Elizabeth Warren, a Harvard law professor who helped establish the CFPB and is expected to be the Democratic nominee. The University of Massachusetts-Amherst gives Ms. Warren a four-point lead and a University of Massachusetts-Lowell/Boston Herald poll has her up by seven points. Three months ago, most polls showed Mr. Brown slightly ahead. The senator’s approval rating has also fallen by eight points to 45%, though his favorables are still in positive territory and exceed Ms. Warren’s. While the poll results may be disconcerting for Mr. Brown and Senate Republicans, they’re not unexpected. Ms. Warren’s campaign has spent $1.5 million on an ad that portrays her as a defender of the middle class. And the League of Conservation Voters has dumped $2 million on spots that tar Mr. Brown as a Washington insider. The real surprise is that Mr. Brown still leads Ms. Warren, 53-37, with independents. Because Republicans constitute less than 15% of the Massachusetts electorate, Mr. Brown will probably have to win more than two-thirds of the independent vote and probably pick up some Democrats as well. [3] Mr. Brown might feel the need to bolster his credentials as an independent thinker by voting with Democrats on some issues. These occasional defections may irritate Republicans, but they’d do well to ask themselves if they’d rather have a Scott Brown in that seat who votes with them 90% of the time -- or an Elizabeth Warren.

Her freeladyship does not spell out that the notorious ratfinkess Snowe of ME did not actually vote for Comrade Cordray’s confirmation, she only barked ‘Present’. It is a little surprising to me, by the way, that Senator Fratboy did not do the same. Charley-on-the-Great Blue Hill could claim with some plausibility that Fratboy’s handlers an’ Funders must be gettin’ really scared.

I draw your attention to her freeladyship’s "real surprise ... that Mr. Brown still leads Ms. Warren." I incline to think that is disingenuous, but would like your opinion since my own is wobbly. Of course one presumes that no Jingo seriously believes that money cannot buy elections, and equally it will be a problem for Freedame Finley that the money she speaks of has been spent by the forces of unwhighteousness, who presumably ought not to be able to pull off a trick ideally reserved to the Jingo Class.

The neocomradology hereabouts gets complicated, however: naturally the WSJ freedame does not trouble us with any utterly irrelevant information about how much has been spent in the path of Fratboy’s reëlection. Pretty plainly the _Jingo_ consumer is bein’ solicited to wallow briefly in selfpity that $3,500,000.00 can have been deployed on behalf of manifest unwhighteousness. The wallowin’ is easier if one tosses in a little _suggestio falsi_ to the effect that poor Fratboy has hardly anythin’ to spend except maybe a small mark-up on those baseball bats over to his e-store. [4]





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[1] The ’GBH gentry are in much the same pickle, rank-and-stationwise, as were the Airstrip One Republicans of 1641-1660. Always in danger, I mean, of inadvertently giving their own tenants and clients unfortunate notions along Col. Rainsborough’s lines.

With Her Beatitude, to be sure, anything of the rabble-rousing "poorest she that is in Massachusetts " sort would indeed be an inadvertance, for of course most of our poor [s]he’s cannot afford to specuvest in anything classier than lottery tickets. (Plus now maybe slot machines: "¡Thank you, Governor Paddy!") To offer them "consumer protection" againt "Wall Street" is not merely the proverbial refrigerators for Esquimaux, it is velvet gloves and carpet slippers for quadruple amputees. So to speak.

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[2] ¿Would you happen to know, O Bones, exactly what this "operational level" that with-it violence pros always stick in between the strategy and the their tactics nowadays actually amounts to? I am happy enough to pick it up like a jackdaw and throw it at anybooby who seems to need thrown at, but I would not positively object to knowing what I am doing.

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[3] The Party neocomradess estimates her ideobuddies in MA at fifteen percent, which is probably optimistic fudge to some extent. Until proved otherwise, therefore, I shall continue to subtract four points and speak of ‘ElevenPercenters’, opposed, naturally, to us fiends of "The Eighty-Nine Percent."

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[4] Ye Olde Fratboy Paraphernalia Shoppe is a scribbleworthy topic in itself. Indeed, I am thinking of an epic poem . . . .

Meanwhile, and confined to prose, I guess that the Funders of Fratboy insisted that Master Scott have a storefront lest the "small people" fail to take him seriously, solicitationwise. They don’t need their smallies to actually buy anythin’, they only (as I conjecture) want’em to feel at home on the website

On the other hand, if you would kindly click here , Dr. Bones, you may discover exactly what mark-up the Fratboy Funders have decided on. Not to give away the ending and spoil your own fun and your mouse’s, I shall say no more here than that they could in theory rake in a significant number of _sh'qálîm_. ASSUMIN’, that is, that any significant number of Fratboy groupies crave to possess a "personally autographed" whight wingbat.

(( It would be fun to think of gear that Her Beatitude might countermarket with -- granny glasses, or, if clubs be trumps, a rolling pin , or ¿how about . . . ?

(( ¡Alas!, there will be nothing of the sort. Her Beatitude is out for a rather more upmarket market niche, a better slice of smallies who want their steak so bad they can dispense with the sizzle. ))

Knows from Newswhere : "Patrick Administration Erased Romney Era Emails"

Dear Dr. Bones,

Naturally, the _Globe_ of Gotham lost this keyboard’s custom when it gated their community recently. Anybooby can see that that is the way we are headed, yet there is no need to rush unseemly into the Brave New Decline.

Anyway, an out-of-commonwealth perspective remains available gratis from the Whight Guard volks over to here . That crew manage to make the Baní Sulzberger look like locals most of the times, so profound is their internal emigration, but that doesn’t matter, I suppose, when the guardists are only reprintin’ stuff fetched from Manhattan. As follows:

According to the _Boston Globe_, the Deval Patrick administration inadvertently erased thousands of Romney Administration emails. "That includes at least four of Romney’s top Cabinet officials. Thirty days after they left office, their e-mails were automatically purged from the state’s central computers, wiping out records of decisions on an array of sensitive topics, from health care to raising state revenues. Romney Cabinet secretaries said in interviews that they were never told by administration or state technology officials that they needed to take any steps to protect their e-mails. "No one came over to me and said, ’Do this, do this, do this, do this,’’’ said Tim Murphy, who as secretary of Health and Human Services helped formulate the state’s landmark health care law. "I just turned my computer off and went home. That’s the end of it.’’ There goes that line of attack by the Democrats. For it was they who did the erasing.

Neocomrade R. X. Eno, Freelord Redmass in the peerage of Foxcuckooland, is author of the twistatorial frame here. His freelordship has evidently not much acquaintance with Comp. Sci., for of course if "automatically purged" be accurate, the true perps must be the installers and configurators of the programme, who, in the case at hand, must be the agents of Republicanines if not themselves Party neocomrades.

His freelordship elegantly, an’ quight unanswerably, says not a word about those amazin’ hard disk drives that automatically bought and disconnected themselves, and then rode off into the sunset with ‘Mittens’. Freelord Redmass must know about them, for the very same _Globe_ scribble [1] informs us that

[A]ides in Romney’s executive office also took the unusual step of buying individual desktop computer hard drives and taking them home, removing a large volume of material relating to Romney’s deliberations. That was not done by executive office aides for Swift and Cellucci (...) Reuters [2] news agency reported this week that breaking an office computer lease by using the individual hard drives cost state taxpayers $100,000 . . . .

Especially worth hushin' up, from the Whight Guard perspective, is that second bit, which reflects rather poorly, I venture to think, on ‘Mittens’ as exponent of Big Management an' heroic Cutter of Costs. Plus there may be a Rulalaw angle, sorta. [3] Though I guess it is not technically illegal to break leases as long as you buy up the fragments afterwards. _Dixit_ Powell, Esq.

The _Gotham Globe_ goes on about it at remarkable length, "Number of Words: 2218 / Number of Unwrapped lines: 148 / Number of characters (non-space): 11552." All worth wading through, if only to meet the deliciously surnamed Brian McNiff at about word 1,425.

Happy days.

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[1] One can sneak into The Fishwrap on a Hill if some confederate in the beleaguered garrison throws one a link from the inside.

(( In some ways, the New Dark Ages promise to be remarkably like the old ones. Complete with treacherous ‘confederates’ like McTrickledown, who am no ideobuddy to Freelord Redmass an’ the Whight Guard.

(( Admittedly, in any age it would be difficult to cite a document for the parts of it that are convenient in the path of one’s Party an’ Her AEIdeology without lettin’ the ill-disposed know where to go to look for less convenient aspects. Aspects to use against. I presume hostiles were supposed to stop when they see there is a link, or maybe when they click and verify that there is another end to it that looks tolerably plausible .

(( As Mr. Burke said to Lord Bowlingalone, "¿Who now reads _Globe_ articles? ¿Who ever read them thru?" ))

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[2] ¿Reuters? Ah, so. ¡Why this is _Globalisierung_, nor are we out of it, we who now get our Beacon Hill news not merely from NY but from UK!

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[3] http://j.mp/sQu66a .

Charity does NOT begin at brown

Dear Dr. Bones,

Now *here* is a fun Vision for you, sir: Don Neutrino accompanyin’ Lady Bountiful as she makes her rounds of (specifically) the (Brown) Bad Poor.

Lady B., though, would probably object to the size of the proposed Gingrichian retainer at the outset, an’ the negotiations would get no farther. If that obstacle were surmounted, there would be the continuin’ levels of Gingrichocentric overhead an’ egohead ever after.

I expect Bounty will prefer to spend of her own unassisted, rather than take to politics in a sieve captained by Master Newt [1] an’ with course steered by Don Rubenito from the stables of Simon Pajama.

No great loss, for Party-of-Grant Jumblies wouldn’t want to make the voyage in any case. ¿Why should they travel, who are already here? [2]

To flat-out change the subject, my recent listening to, study of, whightist radio in Greater Boston has given me a fresh insight into the Republicanine Dittopan [3] , as follows: the kiddiecons’ favorite Exmas charity is, by several landslides, the USO. Or rather, a variety of USO spin- or rip-offs of the kiddies’ own, conducted by (I presume) more politically reliable moneythrowers. Allow me to disrecommend, for example, this crew, though admittedly the pet g@@gle just had an encounter with ’em, an’ they do not, as far as I know, advertise on the Three Weird Sisters. [4]

I ask you, Bones, ¿what better cause can ScroogeBank, an’ Warbucks Defense Widgets, an’ maybe even a few non-corporate citizens of exceptional Vi®tue an’ Wisdo™, find to throw a little money at for self-ostentation purposes than ‘warrors’ an’ ‘heroes’? The Brown Poor simply aren’t in the same league, object-of-charitywise. [5]

For consider the public Exmas givin’ quandry of Ebenezer XIV or Oliver VIIII or Firstlord Murdoch or the Koch Siblin’s: "¿How. oh ¿how?," wonders the kiddiecons’ Uncle Ebb to himself,"Can WE ever be absolutely sure that OUR generous, if WE don’t say so OURSELVES, benefactions will not fall into unwhighteous hands, dirty hands of Bad Poors who pull the lever for Lieberalism an’ for Demonocracy?"

Now to give exclusively to Heroic Warriors is not *absolutely* safe, but I betcha it sure beats whatever comes second. [6]

Indeed, Dr. Bones, perhaps we should reconsider our recent decision to abolish the traditional category of "good poor" and reinstate it with "persons of (State) violence, current or former" as (for now, at least) sole occuopants of the pigeonhole. Reconfigured like that, the category would mystify a Brit Victorian accustomed to the real thing--¡fancy Tommy Atkins crowding out the widows and orphans!--but I daresay not many Brit Vicks will be writing to the Times of Murdoch to protest in the year of religionism 1433-2012-5772.

Happy days.
--JHM

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[1] In Spanshlingo, _el tritón_. In the dielect of Rio Limbaugh, at least. Madrid and Buenos Aires, I dunno about for sure.

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[2] "¿Why must they travel, who are NOT here?" is no doubt the key question about crimmigrants an’ criminaliens , but I’m in a Buckley Minor (or Plutarchus-of-Chæronea mood and prefer not to crudely talk about my own announced subject before everybooby is thoroughly bored with what I do talk about instead.

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[3] The RK9 DP is identical with the late Perfesser Kirk’s "conservative mind."

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[4] For those of them at Rio Limbaugh (or Shanghai or Bangalore), Princess Goneril is WTKK-FM 96.9, and Princess Regan (no relation to Ronald XL) is WRKO AM 680, while poor Cinderella must content herself with Party Neocomrade (seventh grade) J. X. Katz, an’ fifty thousand watts at twelve hundred wingocycles of modified amplitude. Plus also the Witch Doctor of Democracy. Mizz Cindy used to call herself "Rush Radio 1200" but then suddenly that stopped. Puppy love amongst the kiddiecons no doubt has its quarrels.

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[5] With rare individual exceptions. Brownies of the male persuasion who enlist as violence pros presumably qualify for free cellphones (or whatever bennies) on the same terms an’ conditions as those who look more like _bonâ fide_ Americanoe rifletoters.

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[6] Almost certainly what comes second is dread diseases. And the reason is plain: Uncle Ebb an’ Daddy Ollie _y Tio Ruperto_ are nearly as likely to die of them personally as are _señores las indocumentadas y los indocumentados_ or those with that involuuntary servitude problem in their pre-1865 background. Legally, the American Cancer Society is a charity, but from the psychological standpoint of a TopPercenter, to fund heroic tumorfighters, in moderation, is no doubt much more like a prudent an’ thoroughly selfocentric specuvestment. Even if all the Pasteurs an’ Schweitzers an’ Salks an’ Cricks an’ Watsons voted Demoncrat to a man, that deplorable exxentricity would hardly matter, because there are very few of them.

Furthermore, if the lucky number does come up before Uncle Ebb ‘passes’, almost certainly succesful tumorfightin’ will be so expensive in most cases that nonpercenters need not apply. Best of all, probably, from the Ebenezeroid or Oliverite perspective, will be all the wheelin’ an’ dealin’ an’ specuvestin’ in stocks an’ shares of new secret-sector business corporations specializin’ in Big Cancer. The Bad Poor will have no better chance of gettin’ rich off the Great Tumor Boom of 2023 than of getting healed by the wunnerdrugs.

But Galen knows best.