Return to Sender

Dear Dr. Bones,

This

Five possible demands for the Occupy movement Bob_Neer | Tue, Nov 1, 2011 12:29 PM EST MarketWatch columnist David Weidner offered five possible demands for the Occupy movement today that merit some consideration. (...)

is no bees’ wax of yours or mine, really, but still . . . !

If *I* was an infantile Leftist [1] -- or, even more so, a supercultivated Blue Blazer too sensible ever to camp out in the foggy, foggy dew _in propriâ personâ_--I would recommend returning this horse to sender unopened.

Maybe that would mean missing an opportunity, but the odds are _primâ facie_ against it, considering that Pegasus Five here came festooned with an introductory write-up that mentions "gobbledygook about income inequality." And "handouts." And is bottom-lined with "[L]et’s face it: [w]hen it comes to real solutions, this group isn’t even at the starting line."

Switchin’ sides, let me very briefly personate Neocomrade Ulysses (as I tentatively reconstruct him): "Ideally, O King Agamurdoch an’ all ye well-greaved Republicanines, the brat pack will actually fall for it and start clamoring for one of the above. And then we have ’em where we want ’em, because all five points are all quite impossible politically, an’ to clamor for the impossible makes the clamorer look childish an’ Yootopian, not to mention most exceedin’ly nineteen-sixties. Especially when you sic a competent advertisin’ agency on ’em."

"There can be no harm in tryin’ my plan on, O neocomrades, for we will be way ahead, should they actually bite.

"Probably, however, they will not. In that case, the Daughters of Virtue & Sons of Wisdom (LLC) are no worse off, we will simply have to wait for colder weather to set in at Zucchini Plaza, an’ boredom out in Televisionland, in the meantime repeatin’ as often as the traffic will bear that "This group isn’t even at the starting line."

"That mantra is bound to take effect eventually. [2]"

Happy days.
--Cassandra



___
[1] One of that mob which the Odysseus of The Wall Street Jingo calls "hardcore kids" (in yet another suspicious-makin’ phrase).

=

[2] "‘Eventually’ may be hastened a little by judiciously hintin’ from time to time that we, the DV&SW (LLC), have heard what the brats are goin’ on about an’ are workin’ 24/7 behind closed doors on a well-past-the-startin’-line proposal to do somethin’ SERIOUS about all that "income inequality" jazz.

"Of course we aren’t and we shouldn’t be, but there is no need to be strictly honest with hardcore troublemakers. Especially when they started it."

***

Thus Ulysses, neocomrade of many wiles.

The student will notice that to publish this scheme (worded Ulysses’ way rather than mine, naturally) is already to begin to implement it.

Myself, I would have stuck in just a pinch more _suggestio falsi_ about the TopPercenters repentin’ an’ amendin’ _suâ sponte_ now that they are aware that there exists a certain perception problem out in the boondocks. That baloney could be pushed so far one falls off the far side of the horse after the manner of Richard XXXVII Nixon’s "secret plan" for peace in Indochina, but the good volks at the _Jingo_ have been marketin’ sizzle at the expense of steak for a long, long time. They certainlÿ ought to be able to avoid gross blunders.

The effect to be achieved is pretty commonplace, really, amounting to lots of preliminary ticker tape and media time for, say, " the blue-ribbon buy-partisan Ailes-Samuelson panel on ‘The Causes and Cure of Economic Inequality in America’ " followed by . . .

... (crickets) . . . .