A Perfectly Tranparent Conscience

Dear Dr. Bones,

¡Feliz neosábado, Señor el Doctor!

¿Did you hear the news, sir? Wally Wombschool, the one over there on the potatoe couch in his pajamas, makin’ eyes at Mizz Cindy, who is down visitin’ from Wasilla, has ... ta-DA ... ¡a perfectly clear conscience!

Of course with a terrific-sounding deal like that there has to be a catch, and so there is. Master Wally says "IF the [holy Homeland™ goes down the tube for the third time next November] all because Mitt Romney isn’t ‘perfect’, THEN [Master Wally’s] conscience will be clear."

The are enough loopholes ithere to garage all of Mittens’s murder vehicles an’ then some. IF, for example, His Mass. Excellency’s slight shortcomin’s prove to be only partially responsible for his firstlordship's non-election (and thus for our collective non-secession from Modern Times), why, in that case Master Wally will maybe do a little self-criticism.

Interestingly enough, the scribble our neoconscientious youngker was ignorin’ in his autosynteroscopy [1] was built upon precisely such a proposition, namely that Mittens may actually fail to buy his way to the top of the greasy pole. This would certainly be a grave setback to the core values [2] of the extended Grant-Hoover-Atwater-Goldwater[-Breitbart [3]] family, though I suppose a real top-drawer G.O.P. Genius would not too alarmed by one vote as long as it was not unmistakably clear that You-Know-Who beat Mittens at Mittens’ own game. And this will almost certainly not be the case, for, as we learned from the last issue, 5 April 2012, of

(( The New Republicanine ))

, the hedge-fund / ScroogeBank / Baincapper /_Finanzkapital_ community wants Mittens badly. That would be Wall Street’s slightly specialized perspective on wantin’ a POTUS "that looks like America," ¿don’t you know?

The way we appear to be headed at the moment, Mittens may indeed triumph, but if he does, he’ll owe it mostly to "a small band of willful" godzillionaire cranks, goodvolks who have little to do with their mainstream Classmates, an’ less than that to do with their Class Party.

Freiherr von Bähr is, I fear, well behind the cuttin’ edge of societal degeneration. A teller could hardly tell from his freelordship’s here whinin’ that such a thing as "Citizens United" ever happened. One cannot reasonably expect pajamaclad warmers of potatoe couches to allow for such a humanoid event, or even necessarily to have heard about it, but his freelordship is blurbed as "co-founder and chief political correspondent for The American Thinker, which suggest that he ought to be only the slightest little teeny-weenie bit inferior to Eddie Burke or Dizzy D’Israëli quâ ‘conservative’ ‘intellectual’.

In the real world, I fear Von Bähr would fit in without detectable seam over to The Louisedayhicksville Herald. Or maybe someplace more provincial still than LDHV. ’Tis only a couple of versts by MBTA from whightest Southie to the Banecappers’ GHQ [4], after all.

Happy days.
--JHM

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[0] ¡Peregrinus expectavi pedes tuos in palmis!

[1] "gazing, rapt, upon one’s own ethical navel."

[2] The plural is dubious, "Purity of greed is to crave ONE thing," but I believe conventional.

[3] "This is the dawning of the Age of Breitbartius, Age-of-Breightbartius, ¡Bright BAAAAAR Tee Yuss!"

¡Never a truer word was keyboarded too often than that one! However the chances that this McTerminology will be adopted by the court historians of Princess Posterity are not great.

[4] You’ll be wanting the fortieth floor, I believe, sir. Tell ’em Paddy and Eye sent you.