First They Come For The Shysters

Heads up, Dr. Bones:

The Neosouth rises again!

Neocomrade P. Mirengoff, Esq., breaks virgin Astroturf™ for the legal profession!!

RULALAW marches forth like Juggernaut in the path of Party ’n’ AEIdeology!!!

Virginia Governor Robert McDonnell (...) is once again "in hot water" with "black leaders and civil rights groups." Why? Because he intends to require non-violent felons who seek a restoration of their voting rights to submit an essay outlining their contributions to society since their release. Under recent prior administrations, the restoration process was automatic. Whatever black leaders and civil rights group might think, McDonnell’s decision isn’t likely to hurt him politically. His plan reportedly calls on non-violent ex-felons to explain the circumstances of their arrest; their efforts to get a job, seek an education and participate in church and community activities; and why they believe their rights should be restored. I suspect that most Virginia voters don’t think this requirement asks too much of ex-felons seeking the right to vote. To the contrary, McDonnell’s approach reflects important values that Virginians likely share. It allows for redemption without de-valuing the concept.

Whatever a few residual Liberal Fascists (Pat. Pend.) and small-minded sticklers for procedure might think, the noblesse de la robe now divines "important values that Virginians likely share"! Who says there is no such thing as progressive, Dr. Bones? The Parteifreiherr von Mirenengoff has advanced so far ahead of us laggards that Seine Exzellenz is already well around the figurative bend and out of sight.

Let me be more exact, though, for we are in kangaroo-court territory here and must tread warily lest we irritate Lynch, Esq. and come to a premature termination: the Neukamerad Herr Gouverneur (R. McDonnell) does the divinin’ part and then the Neukamerad Herr Parteianwalt (P. Mirengoff) explains why it is perfectly O.K. juridically that Massa Bob should divine.[1] That is the logical sequence. The chronological sequence is the reverse: first the shyster gives a green light for wizardry in general, and only then do particular tricks start happenin’. And Tribonianus knows best.

In a sense this is where we came in, sir, if by ‘we’ one means the Muses and you and the late Jeremy Bentham. Massa Bob is to have unfettered discretion, just like Lord Eldon. Cuffee gets to vote again if -- and ONLY if -- he manages to warm the heart of Massa Bob. Plus resonate with the Famous Values of Virginia™, I hasten to add. Unfortunately the hasty addition is worth not much, since Cuffee is bound to have even less of an inklin’ that you and I do exactly what the ever-immortal FVV entail. The chances that Cuffee is a close student of Power Line are zero.

Even if he were, there is the lesser obstacle that (as far as I know) the Freiherr Parteianwalt von Mirengoff and his two ideosidekicks are none of them Virginians. Neither neoscalawags nor even neocarpetbaggers are they, only eloquent mouthpieces for Astroturf™baggery, and ’turf’baggery is nothin’ to the immediate point. Cuffee might start resonating with DCNV, Dartmouth College Neovalues, and thus -- who knows? -- accidentally sound to Massa Bob like chalk squeakin’ on a blackboard.

On a colorblindboard, I meant to say:

In 2000 blacks represented 20 percent of Virginia’s total population, but 66 percent of those incarcerated in Virginia DOC facilities or local jails. Black men alone accounted for 62 percent of Virginia’s incarcerated population.

New Dartmouth notwithstandin’, I betcha the Starkstromlinie neogents see eye-to-eye with Massa Bob when it comes to foreign agitators sneakin’ into Ol’ Virginny to disseminate political pornography. Such obscene percentages are simply invisible to the colorblind of heart.

Why, only politically correct swine would even dream of lookin’ at such filth! To what is the world comin’, Dr. Bones? Could it be Harpers Ferry II, do you think, whither we so perilously tend? [2]

Meanwhile, it is pleasant to reflect what shrieks ’n’ moans ’n’ barks ’n’ bellows would be emanatin’ from the direction of Rio Limbaugh, if President Summers and Mr. O’Bama

were ever to have the bad taste to appear to be "allow[ing] for redemption without [devaluing] the concept."

Healthy days.

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[1] Paddy asks me to tell you he’s happy to see a Pselt in the driver’s seat for a change and the arrogant Hun reduced to lookin’ up or makin’ up precedents for his betters. Quite a change from the customary pattern is that:

In September 1945, as the movie opens, Don Vito Corleone (Marlon Brando) and consigliere Tom Hagen (Robert Duvall) hear requests for favors during the Don’s daughter Connie’s wedding reception.

Myself, though, I think one should think deep-historically and make proper allowances and adjustments for Old Dominion local colour. There will have been plenty of "Scots-Irish" plantation owners back in the good ol’ days -- not just overseers, but actual Owners of lands. And owners of Cuffees as well, naturally.


[2] I rather doubt it. As long as (1) Foxcuckooland remains free of inflammatory matter, and (2) most of Neovirginia does not pedantically distinguish Foxcuckooland from the former so-called "real world," Massa Bob and the Starkstromlinie señoritos are safe enough. That is to say, Neocomrade R. Murdoch, Lord Foxcuckoo, has become the Bulwark of Western Sieve. That is essentially what Neocomrade D. Frum injudiciously said out loud the other day and got himself excommunicated from the Kiddie Selfservative Movement. Frum remains an insufferable neojerk, but even neojerks are not always wrong.