Bozos at Bay

Think of all that luscious insider prose that burbles forth from politico.com, Mr. Bones! Why is it that thee and I never actually want to read more than a paragraph or two of it at a time? Take for instance:

Former President George W. Bush is sticking by his promise to leave President Barack Obama alone — prompting some second-guessing by allies of Vice President Dick Cheney, who is determined to confront the new president. Bush has stuck to his memorable declaration that he owes Obama his silence, while Cheney continues to grant colorful interviews in which he warns that the Democrat’s policies are making the country less safe. One Cheney supporter referred to “confusion” and “bewilderment” among conservatives that Bush has not taken the same tack. “A lot of conservatives would have like to have heard from President Bush on this issue,” the Cheney supporter said. “On such a fundamental issue, when such clear untruths are being told, conservatives have wondered why President Bush has been silent.”

What's wrong with that? Why, Citizen M. Allen even sets us up with a mild funny, sir: "Why on earth should anybody expect George XLIII, of all the little laddies available, to point out how the Oilslick Dick Gang have taken to purveyin’ clear untruths about fundamental issues? Hey, aren't they all militant extremist neocomrades one and the same Big Party, the Otherparty of America?"

Citizen Allen gets a little bit annoying in a technical College-of-Journalism-and-Barber-Science way when he insists on telling us provincials and parochials which declarations are ‘memorable’ and which interviews ‘colorful’. Very likely if left to ourselves without guidance from Beltway City DC, we would in fact paste such labels in all sorts of wrong places , yet how much would that matter at the end of the day? Enough to repay the employers of Citizen M. Allen for putting us off a little? I wonder.

Not that ‘us’ considered as strictly the firm of Bones & McCloskey is of any importance even to us! Yet bear ever in mind, sir, how skillfully Rupert, Pressbaron Murdoch of Kangaroostán, has exploited such little flickers of resentment when they occur in the less analytical strata of our holy Homeland™. His lordship's "We report, you decide" is a truly inspired piece of malignant tripe and baloney, is it not?

Possibly Citizen M. Allen and his corporation aim at a, so to say, chiastic relationship with his lordship and News Corporation? M. le baron sallies forth to wash his customers’ little brains for them under a banner proclaimin’ that of course he would never even dream of behavin’ so imperiously; politico.com, per contra, tells us all about ‘memorable’ and ‘colorful’ but without seriously expecting (or, indeed, caring) whether we stay told.

A pretty little picture, that one, but I suspect it is rather my picture than one from the crayon of Ms. Realitas.

We may tone (tune?) the picture down several decibels by supposing that the M. Allen shtyk with ‘memorable’ and ‘colorful’ is a sort of subliminal or background self-recommendation: what the consumer presumably wants from the likes of politico.com is hot insider poop. Obviously M. Allen is not actually delivering that product when he starts with the unilateral and preëmptive epithets, but he is behaving as a poop-laden insider might be expected to by the little old lady in Dubuque. Though, to be sure, God knows best what is expected at Dubuque . . . .

Having done reverence to The Master

by discussing Citizen M. Allen's form before his matter, I will admit that it seems probable that the chief off-putting deficiency at politico.com is material. In the particular case, one's time appears to be being wasted with a more or less imaginary discord in the ranks of militant extremism. Practically speaking and considering the circumstances, the Party of Goldwater and Atwater is united enough to be getting on with. It is not absolutely monolithic, given the existence of peripheral flakes like A. Spector and the sovereign state of Maine, but by and large JUST-VOTE-NO is workin’ out as well for neobozodom as anythin’ available could reasonably be expected to work out.

A subtle distinction of Serene House of Kennebunkport-Crawford NO-voters from plebeian Cheneyite NO-voters seems hardly worth making. Naturally everybody enjoys anecdotes about "‘confusion’ and ‘bewilderment’ among conservatives," but let's face it, sir, the Big Management Party’s base ’n’ vile are in a permanent state of confusion and bewilderment and have been for a century and a half. Why single out occasions when a few of them realize as much for special attention? Or alternatively, suppose that 1LT Bush of the TX Air National Guard did show up for duty and start barkin’ ’n’ bellowin’ in unison with the Oilslick Dick Boys: what earthly difference would it make?