Flim-Flammin’ the Stupid Party

Dear Dr. Bones,

A large number of persons, not all of them politically decent or intellectually respectable, have trouble grasping that the core of the Party of Grant-Hoover-Goldwater-Atwater is a top-down economic conspiracy. Always has been, and one might say "Always will be" in the sense that, if the periphery ever does take over, then the Rovan Empire [1] will in fact have fallen, no matter how much traditional Republicaniac apparatus an’ ‘conservative’ agitprop is brandished by the Odoacers and Theodorics of 1443/2022/5790. [2]

As I keep saying to you, sir, this overturnin’ is not at all likely any time soon. "The Sorcerer’s Apprentice" is a fine tale, but let us not go hog wild and start imagining ScroogeBank an’ Daddy Warbucks sandtrapped by their own Tee Putty -- unless we know for sure we are but spoofing.

We ‘spoof’. Occasionally.

The "Flim-flammin’" of my superscription refers to when somebooby like Party Neocomrade (fifth class) R. X. Douthat [3] infringes our monopoly. As for example:

As Republicans refine their proposals, though, they need to focus more on economic mobility than the Ryan budget does. Public policy is going to be made from inside a fiscal straitjacket for the foreseeable future. But within that straitjacket, Washington can favor policies that enhance working-class opportunity, while ruthlessly paring back those that subsidize the affluent. The goal shouldn’t just be small government, but ... “small-government egalitarianism.” There are elements of this vision woven into the Ryan budget — cuts to farm subsidies, means-testing for Medicare, and promises to go after tax expenditures that primarily benefit the rich. But at least in its initial draft, too much of the budget’s austerity is borne by downscale Americans.

The historical background of so comparatively elegant a _señoritismo_ as this is plain as the jowls on their daddies’ faces. Don Rossito de Doüthat y Podhòretz is, you see, amongst those lucky whight-wingers vouchsafed a vision of what Father Chesterbelloc admirably baptised as the Cross of Dizzy [4] If you were alive at the time and attracted by D’Israëli Minor’s nifty an’ all-but Douthatoid ideoproduct, I believe you were expected to call it "Tory Democracy." Though I cannot help wondering offtopically how Mr. Gladstone would have reacted to being unmasked as a windbag enemy of "small-government egalitarianism." [5]




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[1] Never forget the semi-official neocatechism of the Kiddie Selfservative Movement, Dr. Bones:

[Q] "... something about [E]nlightenment principles and empiricism." [A] "That is not the way the world really works anymore. WE are an Empire now, and when WE act, WE create OUR OWN reality. And while you’re studying that reality -- judiciously, as you will -- WE will act again, creating other new realities, which you can study too, and that’s how things will sort out. WE are history’s actors . . . and you, all of you, will be left to just study what WE do.’’

There you have the presidin’ Genius of the _Imperium Rouanum_, Kiddiemaster Karl himself, explainin’ exactly how the racket is supposed to work. Naturally there is a certain amount of discrepancy between that lofty neoïdealism an’ how most of the operatives of Party an’ AEIdeology are likely to be found operatin’ in practice on any particular Thursday afternoon.


[2] Predictions about the future are notoriously risky, but please blame His Holeyness Ronpaulryan I, Arch Hire-arch of Janesville _in partibus supervolandis_, should 2022 prove a bust, rosydawnwise.


[3] The PC5 RXD mechanism is, as I conjecture, "Don Rossito" to the señoritoly or ‘conservative’ ‘intellectual’ community.


[4]

In the lands where Christians were, F.E. Smith, In the little lands laid bare, Smith, O Smith! Where the Turkish bands are busy And the Tory name is blessed Since they hailed the Cross of Dizzy On the banners from the West! Men don’t think it half so hard if Islam burns their kin and kith, Since a curate lives in Cardiff Saved by Smith.

(( You don’t need to remember Welsh Antidisestablishmentarianism or care who poor Psmith was to enjoy the fun, sir, but do bear in mind that the bard to whom this High Thought was given considered "the Tory name" nothing to do with his own politics, a point not exactly obvious from across the Atlantic nearly a century later. ))


[5] The CliffsNotes™ version of SGE is easy to guess without looking at the book: we shall have arrived in Beulah Land when the Wicked State does nothin’ at all for anybooby. (( 0 + 0 = 0. Q. E. D. ))

Of course since Don Rossito is by no means pathfindin’ an’ roadmappin’ for Party an’ Ideology caravan, he only barks for ’em, so wherever the Wreckin’ Crew may wash up eventually, it sure won’t be there. Kansas is a possibility, Glaeserstan is not.

(( E. Ludwig von Gläser seems to be a sort of stereotypical H*rv*rd: Big LEW cites him as having discovered that "Americans have become more obese over the past 25 years because they have been consuming more calories."

(( Of course that is worth a Nobel prize, but ¿which one? ¡Economics, Physics, Chemistry, Medicine and Peace all alike clamour to dignify the good perfesser! ))