Dear Dr. Bones,
¡Hark! the Herald wingnuts sing . . . .
The trouble is, though, that their songs almost always leave out the verses about EXACTLY how they do all these things far better in Foxcuckooland. One is reduced to guessing, as for instance,
| "Roused in the Executive yurt at four in the mornin’ last Wednesday by an urgent call from Otherparty operatives about the Fidelity crisis, Neocomrade Governor Ch. X. Baker made an urgent pilgrimage, on foot in sackcloth, to corporate headquarters at Canossa Junction NY. Arrivin’ about 1030 Friday, his neoexcellency spent eighty-seven minutes an’ forty-one seconds on his knees in an exceptionally filthy snowbank before bein’ admitted to the inner sanctum. Emergin’ on a stretcher headed for an ambulance, his neoexcellency declined comment. Aides revealed, however, that Frank, Freelord Fidelity in the neopeerage, had consented to continue the Massachusetts fiefdom as is, in exchange for the grant of Dorchester Bay as site for a new castle-cum-labóratory, the bay to be filled solid with certified genuine Boston tee putty to a height ten feet above the high-tide line. Neochusetts an’ the Serene House of Fidelity (¡ogklf!) will share the landfill expenses in a proportion of ninety-eight to two. Neocomrade Lt. Gov. Ladislas von Hoodaque (sp?) announced at the end of the day shift Friday that "to celebrate this happy agreement, henceforth all wombschools an’ institutes of freedumbin' down in the Neowealth will anually celebrate February 30 as "Fidelity Forever Day." In response to inquiry from a neocomrade journalist, his subexcellency said the new holiday would continue in perpetuity, "Even if his freelordship changes his mind again" -- that is, withdraws his gracious beneficence from unworthy Neochusetts. "Fidelty is more than just a corporation, you know!" intoned Neocomrade von Hoodaque with that viscous unction that has won his freelordship so many hearts an’ hormones on election day. ---33--- |
Happy days.
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