Taking a Fresh Smirk at Crimmigration

Dear Dr. Bones,

Nobody fairembalanced would expect a "career journalist" to think more than one day ahead at a time, an’, sure ’nough, Bridget, zeroth Freedame of Johnson in the peerage of Foxcuckooland, doesn’t even try.

Imagine, just for fun, though, what might happen if somebooby competent addressed this question on behalf of the Daughters of Virtue & Sons of Wisdom LLC. Before we start, notice how it kinda tells you something about the DVSW (LLC), that Americas’s Otherparty shuld possess that great GOP Genius the Smirk of Janesville to handle pocketbook issues, an’ nobooby even a tenth as neoclever workin’ the crimmigration beat. The few Daughters/Sons mentioned here as takin’ any sort of interest in it all have what one might call "suspiciously vowel-terminal surnames."

Now getting down to vicarious smirkthink, the first problem is that even a final fix for the Criminalien Menace leaves their freelordships stuck with all sorts of aliens an’ ex-aliens who are not criminals. And the second problem--which is as far as we need go to match the Smirk with a Thirty Year Plan--is that after the alien an’ alienagenic Bad Poor are disposed of somehow, their freelordships will still be encumbered by scads an’ scads of unalien Bad Poor, persons not obviously deportable to anywhere in particular.

¡Just imagine what the goodvolks at Dublin (or Belfast) would say about Yank-whightist proposals to ship Paddy and Eye ‘back’ to them for storage or other disposal, simply on a Mac-and-O basis!

What the Otherparty requires, it seems to Paddy and Eye, is a product one might call "domestic deportation." [*]   The Bad Poor, that is, must somehow be got out of the holy Homeland™ politically an’ economically, but not geographically an’ physically. We assume that Party Neocomrade Senator B. M. Goldwater’s famous proposal to saw off the Northeast an’ then hope it drifts far away real quick is not feasible. Even if it were, I betcha the Venerable Funders of the Otherparty would want to keep the Homeland™ proper, for it is only us squatters an’ slackers who infest the land that can be readily dispensed with.

There might be frack oil under the surface to make their freelordships freer still, after all, whereas even if Paddy an’ Eye (&c. &c.) were to be rendered into soap or lampshades, the anticipated R.O.I. would probably not be such as to attract the canny specuvestor.

Paddy and Eye nevertheless expect that what might loosely be called an Endlösung will emerge on that wunnerful day--¡the End, whatever it may be like, is one day closer every twenty-four hours--just think of that, sir!--when the gates around all those fabulous "gated communities" finally stop being figures of speech an’ become bricks-an’-mortar. Plus of course barbed wire, an’ mantraps, an’ Rotweilers an’ counterstormtroopers an’ . . . . ¡Not many Bad Poor will be on the whight or in- side of the Gates of Herrnstein-Murray!

Most of the frack oil will be left out in cold with us humble, no doubt, but as long as their freelordships can maintain themselves as a Sole Remainin’ Hyperpower, that is no big obstacle. Any particular deposit of minerals or whatever can be given gated-community status temporarily, an’ then abandoned when the gunk runs out. Their freelordships will not be needin’ all the land all the time, probably not any very large percentage of it at any one time. As long as whatever they need is available whenever they actually require it, the fact that most of the Homeland™ is a kind of forest preserve mixed with Bad Poor reservation should not inconvenience anybody of importance.

Most of us unfit will die off soon enough, if not at once from such Obamacare as can be achieved out in the woods, then by natural attrition.

No doubt you have read a number of Sci-Fi pscenarios along these cheerful lines as well as we have. So let us leave it at that.

Happy days.

_____
[*] Not to be confused with either the internal emigration of certain selected Old Euroes or the self-deportation of Governor Romney. His Excellency , by the way, has been doin’ rather a notable job of internally deportin’ himself from Massachusetts lately.